Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
