My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
