Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
