Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
