"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
