yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
