All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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