You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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