Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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