I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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