I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
