flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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