I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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