There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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