I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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