so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
