So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
