when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
