I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
