Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
