i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
