plz talk dirty to me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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