Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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