If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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