You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my poor anus
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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