just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
