so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
