i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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