1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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