if only i could text you this smell
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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