The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
