So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
