I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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