saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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