it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
