Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
