if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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