Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
