Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
