apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
