Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
In America we eat man semen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
