I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
