chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
