just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
