Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
