I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
