So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
