Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh god it's open bar.
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