Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
