there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
